Effortless Expansion Episode #001: The G Word

Let’s talk about guilt. Whether it’s mom guilt, guilt about snapping at our partner, or guilt about our big audacious goals that we don’t feel worthy of, we’ve all experienced it.

To kick off season 2 of my podcast, Effortless Expansion, I dive deep into the concept of guilt and break it down unlike you’ve ever heard it before. I also share some very vulnerable stories of how I’ve dealt with guilt in my marriage and with my children.

I’m going to give you some unconventional advice about guilt, help you to see it in a new way and hopefully, help you rid your life of it like I have.

If you’ve been feeling (or suppressing) guilt and are finally ready to see things differently, this one’s for you.

When you hear the “G word,” what does that make you think of?

Here’s what we are told:

• We can't have more, be more, do more than anyone else, or we have to feel guilty about it
• I can't drive a luxury car because some people can't even afford a car
• I can't have food on my table every night because others go hungry every night

These are the stories that we tell ourselves. And frankly, this is the story that I used to tell myself. I used to ask myself, how can I live this life and be fully embodied when there are people who are seriously struggling?

I invite you to be open to really look at guilt in a different way than how we've been experiencing it and how we've been taught as a society.

Here's my new understanding of guilt:

When I'm fully embodied living my limitless desire-filled life I am an example in showing everyone what's possible for them.

Does that mean I sometimes activate (trigger) people?

Abso-freakin-loutley. I'm here to be an example to show you what's possible for you.

I strongly believe that I signed up to lead women in this life. To raise the consciousness of the planet and to be a walking example to women that we can have anything and everything we want. To anchor in the knowing that anything and everything is possible for us, so that we can turn around and teach the next generation.

In order for us to be able to kiss guilt goodbye for good, we must understand how it works.

Let me explain… when you experience an emotion like guilt, fear, shame, or judgment you don’t feel good because you are experiencing a low frequency. When you experience joy, pleasure, fun or wealth you feel great because you are experiencing a higher frequency. Naturally, the universe wants us to experience lots of those high frequency emotions. When we experience the lower frequency emotions our soul cries because we're not living at our fullest potential.

The tricky part is that when we are at that level, in this case, the G word, the more we don't feel good about where we are. The more our point of attraction drops and we start attracting more things that give us more guilt and things that match the vibration of guilt, which, if you can already guess, is shame, fear, judgment, lack etc.

This isn’t about certain emotions being bad while others are good, it’s about letting our bodies process the emotions so they can pass through us rather than staying stuck.

When you feel guilt come up I invite you to notice, where do you feel it in your body?

For me, it's typically in my chest or in the pit of my stomach. Mom guilt is always in my stomach and guilt in my marriage always shows up as a heaviness in my chest.

To get really vulnerable, when I snap at Nick, when I yell at my kids, or when I let them watch too much TV, I have this thought that I am a bad person, maybe even a bad mom, or a bad wife.

Cue the guilt.

Then what comes next is the thought, “what can I do to make it better?”

I will try to swoop in and be a superwife, supermom, or superhuman. I’ll drop off some food for my husband while he’s at work, I’ll let the kids have sugar, or I will buy them a gift. This is me succumbing to the guilt and shame of what I did instead allowing myself to process this human emotion.

The truth is, I'm not gonna nail it every time as a wife or mom. I acknowledge when I am not at my best and I am committed to learn from it.

Now when guilt, fear or shame comes up, I process that emotion. I let myself feel it instead of jumping into “fix it” mode. When we fail to fully process our emotions as they come up, it stays stuck in the body and shows up in ways we don't want it to like dis-ease and stress and anxiety. It can also lead to vicious cycle of more guilt. Let me show you a real life example of how that looks:

Nick, my husband, made a comment about my cooking. It triggered me. I snapped at him. Now, frustrated and triggered, I also feel guilty.

Here is how I coach myself out of this:

Why do I feel guilty?
I feel guilty because I snapped at Nick.
Why did I snap at Nick?
I snapped at Nick because he triggered me.
Why was that so activating to me?
Because I work really hard in providing healthy meals for our family.
What about that activated me when he said that?
Well, because I just feel like he should appreciate me more.
Okay, so I'm feeling unappreciated?
Yes.
Okay, so by yelling at him, is he going to appreciate me more?
No.
So what could I do to feel more appreciated if that's really why I snapped at him?
Oh, well, I could just tell him how I feel.
Hmm. Yeah, I probably could do that.
Do you see how I logically talked myself through this?

We can apply this technique to:
feeling guilty about leaving your kids or pets
wanting to have a career instead of being a SAH mom
having big desires and goals
Truth: there's no point in doing anything in the vibration of feeling guilty and you have the power to change it.

I couldn’t lead women in the way that I do if I haven’t experienced and worked through guilt like I have. I couldn’t hold space for the heartbreak, sleepless nights and deep shadow work if I hadn’t gone through it myself. I take this work seriously. It is my mission to help women manifest their limitless desire, filled life through living my own limitless life. I am here to activate you, this is my passion.

I invite you to own your power, to claim it and lead with it.

I’m going to give you some unconventional advice about guilt, help you to see it in a new way and hopefully, help you rid your life of it like I have.

If you’ve been feeling (or suppressing) guilt and are finally ready to see things differently, this one’s for you.

Head over to Instagram and find me @effortlesslyjess and let me know your thoughts on this podcast episode. I would be over the moon to hear from you!