There was just something about having an argument, a riff, between me and someone who didn't actually matter (or did) in my daily life that made me anxious, nervous, it would take over my thoughts and just grip my brain until I was repeating the situation over and over - just trying to figure out what I needed to say to make them happy, to make the situation go away so that our relationship was harmonious, even if that meant I was "being the bigger person" 24/7. That was the people-pleaser Jess.
People pleaser Jess let thoughts affect her mood, let imaginary hard-core arguments (yes, I do this too) get me in a rage, she let something that SHOULDN'T affect her mood take over her whole day. Not very fun, right? Which is why I kicked people-pleaser Jess to the curb.
The NEW Jess is filled with abundance, gratitude, personal desires, and confidence to want what she wants and focus on what matters to HER - without compromising her emotions and happiness. And I know I'm not the only Mama wanting to focus on a bit of happiness.
But, Why Are We People Pleasers?
Being a people pleaser stems from our relationships with ourselves and how we view our relationships with others - mostly, whether we are confident in ourselves and our desires and if we're confident in our relationships with others. People pleasers feel a mix of emotions when it comes to others - and I would like to go ahead and say that being a people pleaser is normal, there's nothing wrong with you, you're just suppressing your desires (and we don't want that).
People pleasers are known to be or think like this when interacting with others in both new and long-term relationships:
- You're preoccupied with what others are thinking or feeling instead of your own
- You don't want to say no or set limits in fear that you'll seem mean or unwelcoming
- You're afraid of being rejected or abandoned after a single misstep
- You crave the approval of others
- You tend to give more than you get in relationships
- You don't like to focus on your own needs and instead focus on others
- You're overworked and exhausted due to a need to take on more responsibility (to help others)
And let me tell you, Mamas are known to be people-pleasers - we just tend to find ourselves in the role of putting others above us and struggling to make sure we're valued and NEEDED in relationships.
How Can I Stop Being A People-Pleaser?
Don't hate me Mama, but a lot of it has to do with confidence. The confidence to be unapologetically you, the confidence to go for and ask for what you want, the confidence to be in touch with your desires and welcome abundance in the form it's given. The confidence to know your value and to know when you're valued, to know that you're deserving of both.
You have to re-train your brain to embrace the idea that you don't (and won't) make everyone happy, and that it's okay. Don't feed yourself the bullshit that if they're happy, you're happy. You are a person, you are a human too and that means you have wants, desires, and needs that have to be met - don't ignore yourself, mama, give yourself some leeway.
Follow me on Instagram @effortlesslyjess for more tips on embracing your desires, building confidence, and manifesting your dreams.