I'm going to be open and honest, gratitude is not something that has always - nor always - come easy to me. I know I have a fucking incredible life and I am SO grateful for it, but it’s hard for me to set aside the time each day to actually be grateful for what I have.
There are so many things I have to be grateful for in my life. I’m healthy, my kids are healthy, we’re happy, I’m doing what I love every day, we’re wealthy, we’re in abundance. It’s days that my three-year-old throws a tantrum or the car get a six-inch bolt in the tire that I find myself struggling to live in the frequency of gratitude and just appreciate my life.
The further I find myself in this journey, the more recognize tools that help live in the frequency of gratitude - and that can help you too:
Be Thankful Before it Happens
You’ll hear this a lot in the world of manifestation: Be thankful before it happens. Part of manifestation and mindset for moms is manifesting the life that you want through gratitude. You’re thankful for the opportunities coming your way, the opportunities you work for, and the opportunities you’re experiencing.
Keep a gratitude journal - or add it into your current journal! Journaling is less about proving you’re expressing gratitude, but more about reminding yourself to express gratitude. Journaling turns into a habit which in turn helps you create a habit of expressing gratitude. Here are a few prompts your can use:
What is something you love about yourself?
What is something you love about your home?
What is something you love about your life?
What are three things you can be grateful for today?
What are three things you are grateful for from yesterday?
I am always talking about saying yes to yourself, your goals, your dreams - just ALL of it. But, you can’t always start by saying yes, sometimes you need to say NO. Part of our exhaustion as mamas comes from saying yes to everyone else for everything. We try not to say no - mainly because we assume that those who are asking for something need it more than we need to take a break. This goes for family, friends, business, everyone but you.
Saying yes all the time sounds great in theory (happy family, happy friends, socialization, etc), but what we’re not realizing at the moment is that it’s leaving us overwhelmed and feeling burnt out. And step #1 of defeating mom burnout is saying NO even when you feel like you have to say YES. After learning to say NO, I was able to refocus my energy where I really needed it, becoming a better mom for my kids and myself. Here’s what I’ve learned:
Saying No to Your Family
This is one of the most high-stress situations - in the beginning. How you handle this is based on your relationship with your family. Your family should want the best for you, both mentally and physically, and this means saying no to family functions when you can handle them or skipping that family dinner night. Before stressing, be open with your family about why and express your hope that they’ll understand - and that it doesn’t mean that you “don’t like them” or “don’t want to spend time with them” and if it’s an event, offer to reschedule a smaller meet-up that you do feel you can handle.
After the first few “no” situations, your family will typically begin to understand where you’re coming from and why you had to do this (most likely because you’ll be in a better mood/mental space next time you meet).
Saying No to Friends
This was especially difficult as a new mom. When you have your first baby, you never know how it’ll affect you beforehand. You have moments when you’re happy, but also those where you’re overwhelmed and anxious and everywhere in between. Staying social and meeting up with friends can be burdensome in the beginning, but pressures to maintain the friendship often lead to saying yes before you’re ready. Ideally, you’ll be able to communicate these needs to your friends and they’ll understand - maybe they’ll even offer up an alternative solution, like coming over with food rather than meeting at a restaurant.
Saying No to Kids and Husband
I’m not referring to when you’re kids are running rampant and you’re telling them to calm down or saying no to another snack - this is more situational. It’s also more about putting a little “you-time” first rather than denying what they need. For example, your eldest wants to go somewhere, but you’re not ready or you’ve been on your feet all day. You can say “I’ll take you, but I need *insert time frame* to myself to just take a moment” - it’s not always possible, but when saying no to your close family communication can go a long way. It’s hard to remember that our thoughts and feelings are not shared, they won’t always know how overwhelmed or stressed we’re feeling if we don’t express it.
Did you know that your mindset might be hurting you rather than helping you? Your mindset is key to manifesting your dreams and accomplishing your goals - but what happens when your mindset is working against you? It might be time for a mama mindset makeover.
A mama mindset makeover is exactly what it sounds like: a mom making over or redoing their mindset. As moms, it’s easy to get into bad habits that kill our mindset. This might be letting the little things get to us and falling out of our mom power, or maybe it’s skipping self-care because you’re feeling mom-guilt. When you find yourself falling into these habits more often than not, it’s time for a mama mindset makeover.
Still not sure? Here are three signs it’s time for a mama mindset makeover:
#1: You’re finding yourself becoming overwhelmed and frustrated frequently - even when you don’t know why
You’re going to have moments as a mom that are going to drive you INSANE. It’s normal, it’s expected, we’re human. It’s when you’re finding yourself becoming overwhelmed and frustrated so much that you feel like you’re losing yourself or control over your emotions.
This is a big sign that you need a mindset makeover. You won’t lose these feelings overnight, but it’s a step towards understanding why you feel this way and what to do next. Frustration and overwhelm stem from unmet needs between you and your child, your own self, and how you operate day to day.
THE MINDSET MAKEOVER:
Make a change by changing the rules. Break the expectations and make rules (or break rules) that make you feel good and serve your family rather than tradition or expectations. You’ll find yourself feeling more free rather than frustrated once you have a ruleset and parenting style that works for you.
#2: You’re losing your confidence and struggling to find - and stay in - your mom power
Maybe you don’t feel confident in your mom-bod or you can’t find anything that makes you feel like “yea. I’m a badass mom.” Or even worse, you find something that does, but the feeling lasts two seconds until your kids break a family heirloom and it’s all gone.
It happens, but it doesn’t have to! You can stay in your mom power and make it through those moments, you just have to train your mind to stay there.
THE MINDSET MAKEOVER:
Make a change by identifying and amplifying your mom power. Learn how to recognize when you’re feeling like a badass and what to do to stay there even when life gets messy. This can stem anywhere from a bath, sex, getting your nails done, reading a good book, or just a pair a jeans that fit right.
#3: You don’t consider yourself a person anymore
When you’re making decisions, what’s your thought process? Mine used to be centered around what it could or would do for my family. I always thought about what they needed, wanted, or dreamed first. And, while that’s an okay way to live, it will send a mom into burnout - and quick.
While you want what’s best for your family, you have to also remember that you too are a part of said family. That your decisions should also positively impact YOU and that you’re allowed to make decisions that benefit just YOU too.
THE MINDSET MAKEOVER:
You’re going to need to completely retrain your mind and rediscover yourself and your confidence. I highly recommend that you listen to Episode Three of The Mom Movement and listen to the five steps I follow to manifest and attract my dreams - and if you’d like to work on your mindset and manifestation 1:1, shoot me a DM on Instagram @jessciadoman_ and share your why and how you’re feeling.
It’s easy to think that being a mom means putting your needs on hold - and to a certain extent, you’re right. What you’re not thinking about is the needs that CAN be met, the dreams that CAN be achieved, or even how you CAN be a mom that has it all.
#1. They have a self-care routine
I have never met a mom that didn’t need a break, whether that’s a mental health break, actual break, or even just a 15 minute time to themselves. It’s so easy for our kids to become the center of our attention - for good reason - but, you have to remember yourself!
Moms that seem to have it all always have a self-care routine. This could be something as simple as waking up with your coffee and reading a book before wake-up, or taking a long bath with a glass of wine at night. I’ll let you in on a secret too, you CAN fit self-care into your schedule without the mom guilt.
#2. They don’t compare themselves to other moms
You’re probably reading this because you’re under the impression that Sally on IG has her life 100% put together. Her photos portray the “perfect” mom life. She’s crafty, smart, well-balanced, etc. But, you’ve gathered all this through her IG! Social media is only the surface of someone’s life, her life could be nowhere near where she wants. She could even be reading this too.
You have to stop comparing yourself before you can create a life where you have it all. Comparing yourself to other moms, bringing yourself down because you’re not the same as them, or wishing you could be more like them are all harmful ways of thinking. You’re a badass mom (and they are too) and don’t forget it!
#3. They have clear goals
My “have it all” mom life is going to look a lot different than yours. Want to know why? It’s because our goals are different. You’re going to have different aspirations from other moms, and that’s okay. You need a life that YOU’RE satisfied with, not the mama down the road (re-read #2 for reference).
Establishing goals for yourself mentally, physically, and in life will help you build a life you want. When you don’t have goals to reach, you’re often left with a feeling of confusion or, rather, lacking a sense of purpose.
#4. They connect with a community
One of the biggest misconceptions about motherhood is that you’re alone. Overwhelmed by our kids and the thoughts that we have to give up our wants in exchange for their happiness and stability, we hold ourselves back. That’s where a strong and empowering community comes into play.
Moms who have it all were able to get there by connecting with other moms who either felt the same or who were able to push past those feelings. A community is key to discussing your insecurities and developing friendships outside of home or work. One day, your community might give you the push you need to take chances - one of the main habits of moms who have it all.
#5. They take chances
Moms who have it all are willing to take chances to get there. We’re so used to playing it safe and being afraid of being bold that having it all seems so far away. We have to take chances to get what we want and accomplish our goals.
And, remember, this type of mindset shift doesn’t happen overnight. You might hesitate, you might struggle, you might doubt yourself - it’s natural. If you’re ready to be a bolder you and be the mom who has it all, connect with me on IG and join me for my magnetic mama 5-week program.